Don't you love that word? Conundrum......... hehe! Anyway, here it is: after much soul-searching, praying, and discussions with my husband, I am doubting my decision to work. When I had Grayson, I cut back on my hours at the hospital, and I currently only work 8 hours a week -- that's nothing right?! But I find myself dreading it -- not because I don't like my job -- I love being a nurse, and I work in the best place ever! I love it! But I loathe and despise having to leave my baby!!! I am very very very fortunate to be able to leave him with Steve every time I work, and they both enjoy their alone time (or so Steve says! :) ). And 8 hours is not that long to be away from him, right?! But it feels like forever when I'm gone! I am just NOT one of those people that has to get away from her kid all the time -- I genuinely LOVE being home with him! Don't get me wrong, it's nice to go out to dinner or a movie every once in a while and have some alone time with my hubby! But whenever I am away from Gray, I have the strongest feeling that I really should NOT be away from him. Like seriously almost to the point of breaking down and crying! It just feels WRONG!! I am a strong believer that babies need their mothers! And it is my job as his mother to take care of him. He is growing so fast, and I hate to miss even one second of it! Steve tells me what Gray does while I'm gone, and I just get so sad that I missed it!! Every time I'm at work helping a new mom breastfeed, or when I'm changing a little tiny newborn diaper, all I can think of is "I need to be taking care of my OWN baby right now!" . My reasons for working are simple and few: 1.it's good to have the extra money, and 2.I want to keep my nursing license active -- way too much hassle to re-license if you let it lapse. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that those are purely selfish reasons. All moms always say "I would do anything for my child" -- and I sincerely feel that way! So can't I learn to live on a tighter budget, and put some effort into doing continuing education credits for my license?? Steve is very supportive of me, and he says whatever I decide, he will support. He, too, feels like it is his job to provide for the family, and it is my job to nurture the family and home! I just don't know what to do! I mean no disrespect to all you mothers out there that miraculously do it all! I just don't know if it works for me and my family. I put a poll on the sidebar of my blog -- everyone weigh in on what you think, please! And feel free to comment, too, if you feel so inclined! Just please be nice -- I feel bad enough as it is! :) Am I being too self-critical, or am I being selfish?? How do I 'let go' of my reasons to work? Or are they too important to let go? I'm seriously rambling, and I apologize for that! But I'm really having a lot of anxiety over this!! Help, please!!!